DarkSide

Once I knew the DARK,
Thinking the room unlight,
Falling in one SIDE,
Giving all my life.

Once the wind blows,
I opened my heart windows,
But it stops beating,
My heart suddenly glaring.

Once my eyes see the light,
The SIDE lightened up by fireflies,
My mind opens a new life,
Sometimes I have to forget the bright.

Once I have to forget,
But I knew I’ll never regret,
That DarkSide once my life,
One of my treasure till I die.

memories (my memories in the place where i was born)

when i was a kid...when the rain comes...me and my friends try to prepare a paper and made a boat out of it...then we put in the canal

when i was in province, i remembered that we played "tumbang preso"..iyong taya ay iyong childhood sweetheart ko at nahuli niya ako then both of us run until we fell in the ground..she got a big bruise on her knee..

i remembered when i think i was in grade 5...me and my childhood sweetheart were playing badminton when suddenly a guy told her that he wanted her so much....she told the guy that she had already a special someone and she looked at me..

me and my childhood sweetheart were in their house...we're playing and watching tv ..then we went out in their balcony and we saw the beautiful clouds outside..then she gave me a cheeze sandwich and juice while watching the clouds...

me and my father went to the river just near in the house of my grandpa...as we crossed the bridge, my slippers fell on the river...and the boys who where swimming that time get my pair of slippers..

me and my cousin went to the river ...we saw some fishermen...we watched them and helped them to catch fishes...then they gave me 2 fishes...i think they were tilapias...i went home and asked my mom to cook it for me..i had the wonderful meal that afternoon.

.when i was a kid, me and my friends loved to play tagu-taguan..i always climbed in the trees with my friend thinking that the tree was the best place to hide...

i think i was just 5 year old that tym...when we played in my neighbor's garden...i think we're playing bahay-bahayan...we're 5 boys and 3 girls when suddenly their pig went out in their kulungan(cage)..we were so afraid that we cried so loud..

.me and my friends always bragged about the cartoons that we watched..and try to imitate the moves of those cartoons..

we were playing in my neighbor's house...it was a big house actually..we went to the attic..it was so very hot in their attic and we found out some old peso coins and get it..

i remembered when my grandpa asked me and my cousins to went to his kumpare's house near the river...we always loved to go there because..we loved to swim in the river..then his kumpare's son told us to drink beer na beer...and i think i was 9 year old when i got drunk for the first time of my life..my cousins told me that speak emglish most of the time when i'm drunk

Angel

an angel
in unexpected day
when my life is down
sent from above
to make my world go round

an angel
with her smile
memories of past suddenly gone
with her is my happiest moment
with her i pray for a new day to come

an angel
with my own breath of air
with my own soul that care
give you all the love to share
my life is incomplete without you
my angel, my treasure forever

Love Makes You Different

suddenly i feel depress

i really hate this feeling

damn it make me really sad when i think about something that i should forget

i really hate when im in the middle of the crowd and because i remember a similar situation..it suddenly bang my head,enter my mind and my heart pounding so fast

i really hate it when i went home and i dont feel what im going to do next

i really hate when i see my friend asking an advice about that shitty feeling and i suddenly i feel that f*%k feelin again....

it kicks my ass so hard that i want to die shoutin just to release it

damn...i changed a lot since that heartbreaking night...it made me different...im not this kind of person before

..love really makes you a different person..

Do I Look Like One?

i always thought why i act as a matured person though im not really in the stage of my maturity...ok i'm 19 years old ...for other people im still young and i really look young...though i act like that ..some people thought that i'm not acting at my real age...pfffttt...yeah i do...i dont know if its just coincidence or my mind gets double maturity than my physical body...why i'm asking this?...it gives me trouble...not an interpersonal trouble but trouble to my own self...i cant stop myself from thinking those things and acting that way...it's kinda weird...maybe im just have the power of adoptation...i can adopt to many things to many instances at the same time...i'm matured if im talking to a person older than me and be childish if talking to a person younger than me...

~~~~~~good disposition...that's what my mentor told me...do i have? yeah...maybe...you know i look like a simple guy or maybe a simple kid hanging on the mall...waiting in the shed ....or reading a book...a usual guy that you saw everyday but somehow..other people think that their first impression on me..."he's kind of person that wont harm you"..yeah i know im harmless...i remembered the day that i was held up in timog....my boss asked me why i dont look like i was held up? ...i just said. "i never regret that the holdaper did it..i'm just glad he didnt kill me.."

~~~~~~im good in pleasing a person...my friend told me that you are a big asset to a telemarketing or real estate because of my P.R. thing....and i think about it...really? ..maybe that's one thing why a friend asked advices and kept secrets to me...but i really dont know ...for me...that's me...its natural to me...

~~~~~~you cant please anyone to be your friend...though i tried sometimes...there are people who cant be your friend...for me, its ok..i can live without them as long they wont hurt me...but you know i feel bad when they dont like me...i feel that there's something about me that is wrong...you cant please anyoone to be your friend ..i cant force myself to be liked by other people...if they couldnt accept who i am...its ok...just dont be a backfighter...so we dont have any problems about it...

My Immortal

i was alone last night, just watching tv and drinking 2 bottles of redhorse...im not a frequent drinker i just got that beer from my cousins outside having there wondrous dringking session again...

i couldnt find a better channel to watch and so i decided to watch a concert of evanescence on tv...and then the music went on, still staring at the tv when they sang their "my immortal"

song ....geee., i felt like there's an electricity passing from my toe till the last strand of my hair..i never heard a song as true as my immortal.

i was stucked on the tv...my eyes were looking to the concert but my mind was overflowing of emotions...guilt foolishness unsatisfied immaturity and envy that was the first time, a song seems to be burned by fire of those emotions...

i feel depressed all of a sudden ...thinking i'm being bad,dishonest and careless thinking some instances of my life that someone(most) treated me as precious as what i treated the one whose holding my heart...i knew to myself i'm being ignorant...

then the song came to an end...i stand, opened my cabinet and look for my wallet...the wallet that shows the only hope of my existence as of now..why i wanted to live...why i wanted to graduate...why i wanted to fulfill what i want in life...why i cant even stare to the person which gave her to me...why i cant do it? why i cant?..

i saw the picture...and kissed it...i guess that's part of a plan by someone above giving an Angel to continue my journey...

From Ilocos with Love

This happened last year during our community project in candon, ilocos sur. I became their instructor in basic html and web designing with my other friends. I met this girl...well its not our first meeting...I met here before in a un info quiz bee in manila science high school where I and her became contestants of our own respective schools. I won the quiz bee but she failed to be on the top ten. We had a small chit chat before and she became my students in that computer program of rotary.

Her friends were always told me that she liked me but i didn't believe to them. I knw they're just kidding but all of it started there.

one afternoon after she finished her hands on, i was able to met his bf. Her friends told me that i look like her bf but we're not. He's taller than me but im cutier than him.hehehehe I Let her went home becuase she's sick that day.

A month after, we had our candon trip.During the trip we became so much closed to each other. I felt that she became my gf in the whole trip. The the trip lasted for one week.

I remember the time that we're on the pool and in the slides together with the daughter of the congressman who sponsored the trip.We looked like we were family...with our daughter...heheheh. I remember the night when we're having a conversation because it was the last night of our trip. We're staring at the stars and we saw falling stars. It was so romantic that night which full of lies and ignorance that both of us have our own relationship after the trip. I had a gf that time and she had her bf.

She bought a t shirt for her bf and she thought that me and his bf have the same body..and she saw me bought a bracelet and hankie for my gf...i really didnt know what to think of it? our stares to each other made me think that all was just a game....after the night, we moved apart not seeing each other for a long time....no more news...no more texts...just silent goodbyes.

christmas

Wala pala ako rito noong pasko...paano kasi binawi ko yung 2 araw kong walang tulog para naman ma energize ako or else baka overfatigue ang labas ko at lalong lumalala..buti na lang never pa ako na overfatigue pero nagkaroon lang ng muscular manifestation ng overfatigue before at na overcome ko yun sa pagrecharge ko ulit syempre sa pamamagitan ng pagtulog..as of now wala pa namang total body fatigue..hehehe..

so noong 24,nasa bahay lang ako , nakahilata sa bed, kain at tulog tapos nood dvd at kung ano pang palabas na pwedeng mapanood sa animax,hero channel,hbo or star movies..hayun, puro sermon ni mama, wala daw akong ginagawa pero deadma lang ako ganun naman talaga yun eh..hanggang inabutan ako ng 12 midnite at nood lang ng tv pero pasko na nun...syempre walang unlimited sa smart kaya globe ako nagload pero may load yung smart at tinxt ko yung mga pwedeng itxt sa smart at binati..sa globe naman todo txt ako sa mga kaklase at kaibigan at kakilala..bago mag 12 ng midnite,tulog n sila lahat kaya ako lang nag noche buena pero wala naman pagkain..kaunti lang naman..kinakain ko ng cheese sandwich at juice lang...

tapos nung day na iyon, busy ako katxt..katxt ko yung bestfriend ng kababata na nakita ko lang pictures at cam sa yahoo messenger..wla lang namiss siguro ako kaya malamang pinili pa niyang gamitin ang globe niya kaysa smart at itxt ako kaysa sa bf niya..ewan ko kung may bf nga yun pero tingin ko meron nga...ayaw pa aminin sa akin na ako lang naman ktxt niya sa globe galit nga raw bf niya kung bakit siya nag globe...pero she was really a nice girl...yung mga type ko ring girls..ako nagtitiwala ako sa insticnt ko na gusto niya ako...she wont waste her time texting me 24/7 para magkamustuhan lang...sa akin oks lang yun tutal wala naman akong love interest at besides single ako eh kasi naman po, 3 na sila nagparamdam at nagkabf na lahat di man lang ako kumagat sa gusto nila...minsan naiisip ko na napakalaking oportunidad pero wala eh, tamad pa ako pero minsan gusto ko din ..gulo noh...kala niya lasing ako eh nahuli ko tuloy siya...

noong kinabuksan, busy naman ako..punta kami ng younger sis sa ninang niya..tapos ikot dun at ganun..uso kasi rito sa maynila yung ninang talaga nagbibigay ng pamasko..ako wala naman inaanak, ayaw kasi ako gawing ninong kuripot daw pero may gusto ng kunin akong ninong pero wala pa asawa..kelan kaya yun? hehehe..di man lang ako nakahingi ng pamasko, di nga umabot sa 1000 pesos ang nakuha kong pera.. pero oks lang kaya tinago ko muna kasi paayos ko yung isang cp ko para magamit ko na lahat ng sim cards ko..dun nga ginanap sa bahay yung pagtitipon ng kapamilya..andun mga pinsan at tita, tito ko..no choice..inaayos pa yung bahay sa kabila eh kaya dun sila magstay sa amin pero uuwi rin ginagabihan..

hayun,inuman,kuwentuhan,nood dvd,asaran at ano ano pa..masaya talaga kasi kapag pasko nagkikita lahat..actualy, di yun dahil bday ni jesus christ kundi dahil bday yun ng lola ko kaya nagcelebrate kami ng ganun pero part of it siguro yun na din...natawa pa ako kasi tinatanong ko si tito...yung tito kong yun di kami close dati pero nung nag college na ako ...ako na ata ang pinakmamahal nung pamangkin..wala pa kasing asawa eh puro may anak..nasa lahi talaga ang ganyang bagay..sinabi kasi ng papa ko na mas gusto ko raw si tito kaysa kanya..nagdrama si papa eh noh pero wala yung pabiro lang..5 kaming nag-iinuman nun tapos lasing na si papa..kulit nun malasing amp kaya guwardiyado ko kapag ganun..baka ano pa gawin eh..hayun natapos din ang gabi ng puno ng kasiyahan sa aming mga puso...humirit pa ako sa kantahan kasi nagvideoke kami eh...masaya naman at planong sa kabila na mag new year..

54 hours

haaay, yun nga kaya di ako nakatulog for more than 2 days....paano kasi yun ang response nga ng katawan ko kapag di ako nakatulog..grabe noh..kapag di ako nakakatulog mas lalong nahihirapan akong di makatulog...pero i didnt take any coffee or what to make me awake..ganun talaga ako..

so, hayun mula buong araw nasa bahay ako ng mentor...nagwork..nanakit nga yung kamay ko at minsan naiisip ko na nagkakaroon na ako ng overuse or cumulatative disorder..which is he second most common carpal tunnel syndrome na common sa tulad nating mga internet users at iba bang work na gumagamit ng kamay (purposeful gripping fo the hand)...ang nangyayari kasi yung median nerve na nagpass dun sa wrist area natin nacompress...ang carpal tunnel yan yung part ng wrist natin volarly(ibig sabahin yung part ng palm natin mas mataas pa dun) andun nagpass ang arteries natin nerves na kung saan superficial masyado ang median nerve...kaya ang manifestations ay nanakit ang kamay natin lalo na yung thumb,ring at middle.. tapos nakakaramdam tayo na parang kinukuryente na sensation sa part na yun...tapos narelieve yung pain when we shake our hands (flick test)...eh ganun nga ang nanagyayari sa akin nga kaya alam kong nasa mild pa lang naman at di namn ako usually nagcomputer..kapag severe cases,surgery na yung ginagawa yun ang tinatawag na carpal tunnel release...

yun nga, pagkatapos ko sa haus ni sir, i went to old office to get the computer...which is in quezon city...tapos nagtravel ako hanggang san andres manila to give to marlon itong computer...nagkalabuan pa kaming dalawa dahil nga nalowbat ang cp ko...buti na lang at nabigay ko on time at ok naman...tapos..pumunta ako sa haus ng ate ko..tapos sinama ako na magshopping for my other siblings...di ko sinabing puyat ako kasi pagagalitan ako..kaya sumama ako tapos sabi niya sa akin bat daw parang ang dungis ko..kaya hayun nag-ayos ako ng konti at sinabi ko..rugged look yan..hehehehe..di ba nag-ol pa ako..na kina marlon ako..may internet connection kasi si mokong pero di niya binabayaran dahl pintatangal niya yung smart bro niya pero ayaw tanggalin...amp yan...

tapos nun nakipagkulitan pa ako dito..ala na akong magawa nun..pero alam ko pa rin yung mga kausap ko sa sb pati yung pinagsasabi ko..naman di naman ako lulong sa droga dahil i hate illegal drugs kahit nakatry na ako sa isa sa mga yun.... pero ayoko ko na..wag kayong mag-alala di marijuana yun dahil ang natikman ko man lang eh ang pinakamahal na ecstacy ...yung natikman ko pa nga may design pang elepante amp...binigay sa akin yun ng frend ng frend ng frend ng frend ng frend ko...pero di na mauulit yun..never again...

tapos pagdating ng bahay, wala di rin ako nakatulog ...i was able to watch tv pa nga eh...tapos natulog pero di ako masyadong nakatulog talaga parang noong 24 lang talaga ako nakatulog ng mabuti...kaya heto...walang tulugan na naman dahil sa dami ng ginagawa...kaya ko toh..

Revelation

today is may 31, 2006..what a good day i had?..when i woke up this morning, i felt like i was born again, i am fragile, i am free and i am really happy..and that's a new life for me...a new day to start..a new future to conquer..a new star to reach..a new mountain to climb..sometimes, i just want to sit down below the balete tree to read my books...to feel the air...to close my eyes ...to hear the sound of the tree...to feel the sunlight on my face..to shout like no one will hear me..that's all i want to do today..to be happy..though those things were just products of my magnificient mind..but i was able to feel it as if i was part of it..yesterday, we did meet..oh yeah we did..and i was kind of happy that night..the night that ive been planning for to come and that night was yesterday..she looks good and i look good too..hehehe..she smiled at me and i smiled in return..we sat down on their sala like we think that no one will hear us..no one will understand...we think that the moment was just between me and her..i opened the computer..i looked for the ip address..see, i was really witty, i knew she's the one who'd been using my account...i saw on the address the www.mukamo.com..haaay, oh yeah i expected what i expected from that night..i knew it was her..dont bother..202.163.208.30210.4.17.28 this are the two ip address i got from kuya diox and one of them was her ip address..she's been watching me in mukamo..and that's what make me really sad..i really dont know what comes into her mind while doing this..investigating...for what? that's the biggst thing i got bother most..for what? and most of all she's using my account...holy fvck...i saw two posts in the subforums that were not my posts...i didnt post it but i dont know how come i had a post on that part of mukamo...and that makes me think for a long time...for a month to be exact and i knew she's the one using my account..so i tried to change my handle, to keep my rsd courtesy of ms.chuchay and to ask help to kuya diox to look for ip addresses...and that two ip's showed..hehehe..maybe she wasnt expecting that i couldn't solve this problem..so,kuya diox helped me to log mukamo off in her computer..and it was..i was able to change my password and name..she knew all what i posted on my rsd...all the things mentioned in my rsd...i thought if those things actually made her happy about it...i did cry for her and now she's keep runnin me while im running for someone..all the things i mentioned in my rsd was an open book..btw, i was thinking if she had an account here in mukamo...i really dont care if she was able to read this..all i want was to be me..you know, im a nice person but taking my property was beyond of my being nice..we loved each other before but that was before...she broke the love and i'm just completing the broken love..i lvoed her before but that was before and she's being nice to me like she loved me right now...i'm tired of this..i'm not an immature as before..im not as stupid as before...im not as "ga*o" as before..i grew up..i'm more responsible, an observer and dedicated right now...do i need to write her again in my rsd? i dont know...maybe i'll never write about her anymoreP.S. sorry i did to0 many editings..hehehe..buti na lang at walang nagbabsa..di pwede palang sabihin yung iba..kung mabasa niya man atleast nuetral